Transformational Stories

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Etty Hillesum: A Brief History of her Life

Etty Hillesum, a young Jewish Dutch woman, found an inner path to liberation and union with the ‘nondual ground of existence’ in the face of the annihilation of the Holocaust. Etty was born on September 15, 1914 in Middleburg, the Netherlands, with her family moving several times, finally ending up in Deventer. Her father, a Dutch Jew, taught classical languages and was a scholarly, quiet man with a sense of humor. Etty’s mother was a Russian Jew whom had escaped to the Netherlands following a pogrom and is described as passionate, chaotic and domineering. This marriage of opposites created a tempestuous relationship and household, and Etty admired her father and was critical of her mother. Her two younger brothers were intellectually gifted, one a musician, the other a physician.  Both brothers had severe psychological difficulties, and were hospitalized at different times for schizophrenia (ET, xi).

Etty went to Amsterdam in 1932 to study law at the University of Amsterdam,  and then went on to study Slavic languages, psychology, and Russian language and literature. She had a number of private pupils for Russian language lessons. During her university years she was involved in left-wing, antifascist student circles. In 1937 Etty moved into the household of Hans Wegerif, an accountant, as his housekeeper. After some time Etty developed an intimate relationship with Hans, and seemed to derive some sense of warmth and stability from that relationship. There were several members of the household that made up this 'family of five', including Maria Tuinzing, a nurse who became one of Etty's best friends (Hillesum, 1996, xvii).

Etty met Julius Spier, a chirologist and former student of Jung, in February 1941, and immediately became his student and soon after, his secretary. Spier was a psychologically gifted and charismatic figure that gathered around him a group of students, mostly women, whom he lectured to and had individual psychotherapy sessions with. His psychological approach would be considered unorthodox today, as it often included wrestling bouts, and multi-role relationships. Etty became part of this group, or 'Spier Club', and as she wrote about Spier, "I fell under the spell of the inner freedom that seemed to emanate from him."(ET, 5). Etty's psychological and spiritual journey began to take off with Spier. She started a diary and wrote about her inner life and the life around her. Her relationship with Spier is the catalyst for her own growth, he is whom she tests and challenges herself against, and this struggle dominates her early journals. Spier and Etty resist a physical relationship for a considerable time, as Spier has a fiancée waiting for him in England, and  Etty has a relationship with ‘Pa’ Han Wegerif. The relationship  of Etty and Spier evolves through erotic obsession to a deeply transformative one for both.

As the Nazi reign of terror increased for the Dutch Jews, Etty's journals reflect this developing horror and her experience of it. She becomes an ‘unofficial’ member of the Jewish Council in July 1942, and soon after applies for a position to help the Jews at the Westerbork transit camp. She turned down offers to go into hiding and continued to travel to and from Amsterdam and Westerbork, becoming the 'thinking heart of Westerbork'. On 7 September 1943, Etty and her parents and brother were transported to Auschwitz. Her parents died immediately upon arriving at Auschwitz, while Etty died 30 November 1943. Before her final departure, Etty gave her diaries and a bundle of letters to her friends, in case she didn't return.